I cannot thank you all enough for the outpouring of love and encouragement I’ve received since the post where I vented my spleen about my work in progress It Chose Three. After I posted that I received texts, FaceBook messages, and even a great phone call from HCS Publishing founder and awesome friend Dave Lee. All of you made sure I received the encouragement I needed. I’m so glad I posted what I was feeling and showed you how raw I was.
And then, a poem surfaced that surprised me. I found myself literally asking you guys if it was okay. I wondered if it was too dark. I questioned where it came from. I asked you if it fit. I felt a shift and I felt … confused.
You know what? The poem “If I Were A Chasm” doesn’t fit right now, and I felt it. I had to dig even more and process what it meant, what I was feeling, and what it meant for the book. It came down to giving myself permission to be angry.
Up to this point, I was getting the story figured out and the mapping and maybe layering in a little of the frustration. But if I want to reach anyone, I need to start being real with myself, how I felt, what it was really like … and let myself show my anger.
I really like that abstract image. It’s like a beautiful rage.
Part of what I was struggling with was older me who has reached peace and acceptance allowing myself to reach back into the feelings and desperation of younger me and write it honestly. Frankly, it’s time to be honest and true and raw. It’s time to give myself permission to use these next rounds of revisions to show the depth of what I felt.
I can’t reach anyone who may feel the level of survivor’s guilt, anger, sorrow, confusion, and all sorts of other feelings if I don’t allow myself to show that in my story.
So, this is a short blog. Jut me letting you know how I’m mentally and psychologically progressing in this. I know this revelation will help me as I continue to revise. “Layer in the anger, Donna. It’s okay to show it.” “I know you’re okay now, Donna, but show how you felt then. You have my permission to be real.”
Okay … let’s do this.