I felt my shoulders slump when I saw the date of my last post. I had a good stride going, but then it stopped. I really needed to get in some time working today, but didn’t have much of a plan. I picked up It Chose Three and started reading back through Ross’s suggestions and also my own additional scenes to see where they would fit in.
I spent a chunk of time redoing this poem based on some feedback and also time away from it. I’m curious what you think.
As this year comes to a close, I have no huge moment of realization or ground-breaking advice to give you. I thought maybe just sharing that I’ve been struggling to get some writing time, too, may help. And also, I think it’s fun to share what editing can do. This is me celebrating the small victories. I sat down and got some work done. It doesn’t seem like much, but it wouldn’t have been done at all otherwise. And I’m getting a blog post out of it.
I hope this holiday season brings you joy, peace, love, strength, and comfort.
Keep going. You got this.
Old Version:
If I Were a Chasm
If I were a chasm I’d swallow you whole,
Swallow you down my fathomless hole.
If I were a chasm I’d fill me with fire,
Throw it all in and watch it expire!
If I were a chasm I’d pull you down deep.
I’d fill with you nothing to hear your soul weep.
If I were a chasm I’d fill me with seas,
Crushing my rocks with relative ease.
Waves upon waves would enter my mouth
Til no one could hear what my screams are about.
Down I would bring you, down to the floor,
Down I would pin you – to be lonely no more.
New Version:
If I Were a Chasm
If I were a chasm I’d swallow you whole,
Swallow you down my fathomless hole.
If I were a chasm I’d fill me with fire,
To feel what once was burn on the pyre.
If I were a chasm I’d fill with me seas,
To feel what once was dragged out with ease.
And when the torrent crashes into my mouth,
None can hear what my screams are about.
If I were a chasm I’d pull you down deep,
‘Til you could feel the darkness in me.
Down I would bring you, down to the floor.
Down I would pin you – to be lonely no more.
Wow, this blew me away. I just read it three times over. It feels so much more raw and personal. You are truly amazing. The fire especially felt so real, I got lost in the emotion so hard I didn’t notice the rhyme, whereas before the rhyme was what I felt first. I love that I get lost in this.
Thank you so much!