I thought and thought about the perfect “last” post for 2020. As an author and because I have a blog, I feel obligated to do so. I tried for encouraging. I tried for funny. I tried for tear-jerking amazing. I don’t feel funny, amazing, or able to say much to encourage.
As I thought, I got caught up in cleaning. Cleaning calms my anxiety. It’s a way for me to establish control over some of the chaos in my life. As I cleaned, I kept passing my little Sasha girl on the stairs. Each time I jogged passed her she meowed out to me, at one point batting at my leg. Finally, I stopped, sat down, and pet her.
And as I did, the tears came.
I had purposefully ignored her. I had not wanted to stop. Or have silence. Or let the thoughts take over.
And as I pet her, I thought of something amazing a friend told me: “It’s okay NOT to be okay.”
Not to belittle all the years of comfort my mom gave my sensitive heart growing up. We are so alike, she knows the depths in which I feel the world. Growing up, I always processed things differently from my siblings.
Also, not to discount the advice from my therapists. I had just never had it put that succinctly before.
And then I wondered. Why do we have to be told this?
Fast forward to this great (sarcasm) parenting moment I had a few months ago with my then four-year-old. She was crying over something, I honestly don’t remember what it was, and all I kept saying was, “It’s okay!” Because, I, in my god-like wisdom of a parent, saw how “small” her problem was and knew that she’d be just fine.
Her response, a very heart-felt, “No, it’s not!” startled me.
And then I realized why we must be told, “It’s okay NOT to be okay.”
Validation is everything.
So, the words of wisdom I tried so hard to think of this morning aren’t even my own creation from an incredible epiphany I had as I finally took the time to give Sasha attention. I am giving you words of wisdom I had to hear from a friend.
It’s okay NOT to be okay.
And as we end 2020, a lot of us feel like it was NOT an okay year. A lot of us know there is nothing magical about the date 01 January 2021. A lot of us feel like it will just be another day of hardship that 2020 created.
I am not leaving it there.
What I did tell my daughter was, “You’re right. Right now it doesn’t feel like anything is okay. And I’m sorry I kept saying that. But it WILL be.”
My hope for you is that you will find strength, hope, courage, healing, and peace. I wish for you the energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other until those steps become lighter and easier. I wish for you the knowledge that you are loved and surrounded by those who are rooting for you.
Take your time. Acknowledge where you are. Give yourself some love.
I’m cheering for you.